Every time I see the Hailey Williams Cosmopolitan cover I think she's cute.

garofalo looking cute

My life is weird.

Last night I was hanging out with Corinna, who just broke up with her long time, live-in boyfriend, and is pretty good at disguising the fact that she's hurting, but of course she is. We went to Wal*Mart at around 1 AM to get caffeine and were checked out by Heidi, the Wal*Mart clerk who I sort of have a thing for, maybe, if I knew her better. Corinna said I should flirt with her more, which I think is a little crass. For whatever reason, I've always felt like hitting on women at work is really tasteless and rude. I guess it's because they have to be there, and have to put up with you, or they will be penalized.

This post is probably going to sound like a broken record.

You know what's great about this blog, it regularly fluctuates between a lighthearted ogling of women, and regular ol' existential crisis. I really think I have the best blog ever. No I don't.

I'd like to think that it all means something, though.

I've been thinking a lot about Heidegger lately. He's best known for his contributions to phenomenology, which he more or less invented as a branch of philosophy, but his contributions to existentialism are seriously crucial. His word for the authentic human experience is 'dasein,' which I believe translates to 'not at home.' He sees the human as so unique and incomprehensible, that ultimately there's no place in the universe that she can fit perfectly. Ultimately, he thinks life for dasein is a constant drift through relationships, passions, interests, etc. unable to ever fully be in sync with any of it.

So often I feel utterly incapable of relating to the entire universe. Everything seems blurry and artificial, like a giant hoax being played on me. I don't understand why people act the way they do, or believe in the things they do, or love the things they do. Hyper-dasein. I blog about this here, because I feel it relates very strongly to the issues I have with women.

I have to wonder, is this foolhearty pursuit at at a sincere, progressive life, ultimately my Achilles’ heel? There has to be something like that in my life. I am not a loved man. The social universe seems to have passed me by. It's like I don't speak the same language as anyone else I've ever met.

To that end, I look at the way my life is going, and I look at where I've been.One day I will be dead. Something big has to happen before that, if there's going to be a happy ending to my story. I don't like the odds.

'I need to get fucked.'

I've been swearing a lot on my blog. I think it's because I hate it when people tell me not to swear, and a lot of people have been telling me to stop swearing lately, so I retreat to my blog where I can, within reason, write whatever I want, and not get told to stop swearing. Fuck fuck fuckity fuck.

Also, I've been doing a fair number of introspective posts, as opposed to 'This woman from the media is good looking' type posts. Have I been paying less attention to the media, or am I just in my head a lot these days?

Anyway, when I started writing this post, I was going to talk about how I could think of two instances in film where a woman complained openly about being sexually frustrated (Ghost World and Sex And The City), and did this suggest that women are more capable of expressing sexual frustration than men in our culture? Then I remembered that there was a man expressing sexual frustration in Transpotting, so I'm probably full of hot air. It would be surprising to find that women are more capable of expressing sexual frustration than men. Though it could be understood. While men are more allowed to express sexual content in general, their expression is regimented differently. Men are prescribed discussing sex as something they excel at, and expressing sexual frustration would be an admission of failure in sexual competitiveness. Women, on the other hand, in the rare instances they are allowed to express sexuality, are encouraged to handle the subject with maturity and understanding. To that end, a woman is able to be upfront about sexual frustration, as there's no competition or standard to uphold.

Of course, sexual desire in general is perfectly acceptable to express for men (and not nearly so much for women). A man might not be allowed to say 'I'm feeling sexually frustrated.', but he could presumably say 'I need some pussy, man!' But enough babbling crap.

I have to admit, that I've been sexually frustrated as of late. It's more of a desire to be physically close to someone than, y'know, a need to pop a load out. Like honestly, if I could just fall asleep next to someone, I'd prefer that to anything legitimately sexual. Too bad I'm so criminally shy that I can't stand the thought of approaching women for intimacy.

I guess that's everything I wanted to say.