When the basis of your show is that 'B' rhymes with '23'...

A few days ago I ran out of shows I routinely watch on Hulu, and it suggested I check out 'Don't Trust The B In Apartment 23.' Okay, I thought to myself. I like sitcoms. I watched it for about two minutes and turned it off. Sometimes I wonder if twenty years from now we'll look back at 30 Rock reruns with the same disdain we have for Family Matters reruns today. Only time will tell, but I can say for certain Don't Trust The B is not a show I care for now and it probably won't age well.

The B mentioned in the title is Krysten Ritter, who bears a striking resemblance to transsexual adult film star Mandy Mitchell. I noticed this because I am classy as fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 
I had a difficult time finding two pictures that demonstrated their similarities well, so if you're overly skeptical you'll have to go watch some porn and/or sitcom.

Dirty Signs With Kristin

Oh my shit, where do I start?

Okay, so like half an hour ago, I thought it would be funny to Tweet 'I need to know how to say 'prostitute' in sign language. Don't ask.' and this guy who I barely know hit my sweet ass back on Facebook with a link to a YouTube channel called 'Dirty Signs With Kristin.' It's a very good channel. She does all her videos completely straight faced instructional while saying things that make you wish you knew how to sign back 'You kiss your mother with that mouth?' but on second thought maybe it's okay that you don't know how to say that, because it wouldn't make sense since you don't do sign language with your mouth. Anyway, this is my favorite video because she says 'poop.'

Kristen Schaal

Hi.

So this blog is back in business. I shut it down when some sort of personal posts I was making were getting me into trouble with work and friends. I've deleted about a hundred posts and hopefully trimmed away anything too divulging.

Of all the things the Internet has taught me about, Kristen Schaal is one of them. I was going to say she was one of my favorites, but let's not kid ourselves. The Internet has given me some fucking radstyle shit. Still, I sort of knew who she was for a while. I'd seen her do an appearance on the Daily Show and a picture of her turned up when I was trying to google someone else. But I finally found out how funny she is when I got caught up on 30 Rock a couple of weeks ago. Now, she's pretty much the funniest woman I know of. I want to get every joke she says tattooed on me so I can just walk around reading my own skin and laughing. She rules balls.

The woman with a costume inspired by Roy Lichtenstein art.

 

I can't believe how totally, totally awesome this is. I don't know who this woman is, but she is a genius.

Thanks to Super Punch.

Hey fuck you, Bozo.

I've been playing this video game of Matts' and I commented earlier tonight that it's the only thing going right in my life at present. It's nice to have something going right in your life, even if it is virtual and ultimately meaningless.


I was thinking about how I'll probably have to cut my hair in order to find employment, and I don't think I'm willing to make that sacrifice. If I were to cut my hair, that would be compromising the motivating force in my life in order to get a job that I will in all likelihood really hate. Any job that would have me cut my hair will likely further punish my creative side in many other ways. If it had to be one or the other, I'd kill myself before cutting my hair for a job. I really would. It's not one or the other (hopefully), but thems the breaks. I'm almost 30 now, and I'm too old to be compromising the life I want to lead for mere sustenance. I'm a complete loser. There's nothing I've done with my life that couldn't be swept away from the collective potential of the universe in an hour or less, but I'm trying to change that. I'm trying to put forth a life that will provide something for my environment. Another choice that would restrict that possibility for me would be worse than death.

To keep things on point, here's a picture of a woman I found on the Internet that I think is cute. I don't know who she is.

I just remembered that I hate everythng.

I have no job. I have no home. I have a vehicle that stopped running for the umpteenth time yesterday. I've been staying at at Matts' house in Irvine for a while, and it's been like a week now and people are starting to get sick of me. I'm stinky and messy. I know this, and I'm into it. Other people don't like it so much. I'm sitting here watching this show It's Always Sunning In Philadelphia, and at first I thought it was kind of funny, but now I'm getting kind of sick of it. There's this one woman on the show, who at first I thought wasn't that cute, but she wears tight jeans and lo-tops a lot and she pulls it off really well. Other than that, I have no extra-platonic interest in her.

I feel like I need the sage wisdom of someone. For some stupid reason, I thought that if I stayed in Southern California, I'd be able to find a job and place to live that fit into my personality and life goals. So far the only thing I've accomplished since leaving my former position is getting my truck down here, which would be terrific if it worked. I've been trying to get caught up on 30 Rock, so I watched like 3 episodes the other day, and I envy how Tina Fey's character has a sort of mentor that she can go to for advice when her life becomes difficult. I could go to my father, but I'm not sure I'm able to agree with the advice he gives. He might tell me to move back in with him, which I'm not going to do. I started to watch Gladiator the other night, and I felt bad because I don't go to my father to capitalize on his wisdom like the people in that movie do.

I think there may be a belief that some people carry that the two things holding people back are fear and laziness. I don't agree with this view in a socio-political context, but certainly fear and laziness work to hold people back pretty regularly. I'm not really afraid of anything, except for heights and needles. I literally stood fifty feet away from a bear once and fiddled with my new cell phone for a full minute trying to figure out how to get the camera to work before realizing that, were the bear to decide to be mean, I was making the wrong decisions, and I walked away slowly. I'm not afraid of bears. I'm not foolhardy around them, but I'm not afraid of them. But I digress. I think everyone who knows me knows that I'm wicked lazy though. Is that my problem though? There's matters of my life that I haven't been lazy about, yet I don't feel I've been successful anyway. I feel like I need instruction with some things, and I get advice about these things from a lot of people, but none of it seems to be worth listening to. For example, about an hour ago Matts told me I ought to get a haircut if I want to get a job. I told him it depends on the job. He said no it didn't. I gave the example of coffee shops, because alt people work in coffee shops pretty regularly. He said getting a haircut would be especially important for coffee shops, because if you have long hair it could fall into people's coffee. While I see his point, I'm not sure if that would actually be the reason a coffee shop would decline employment to me based on hair. After all, women can be baristas and nobody gives a shit how long their hair is.

I guess the best thing to do at this point would be to try to get up early tomorrow and fix the truck. I needed to write though. It lets off some anxiety.

Will you still like me when you find out I have a weird blog?

I tried to explain this blog to some prospective roommates yesterday (Well, now it's the day before yesterday. You'd think a night-owl like myself would have started making note of the day changing at midnight.) and it was really pretty awkward, I mean, what, exactly is this blog about? Women. It's a blog about women who I like. Usually it's about women who I like in that way but sometimes it's about women who I like the way I like bell hooks or Wanda Sykes. Then sometimes it's about personal drama, and trying to come to terms with human sexuality as the frosting on the cake that is existential crisis.  I think from now on I'm going to tell people this blog is about an existential crisis. It's not a lie, and it sounds a lot better than 'women.'

Perhaps the conversation it was made even more awkward by the fact that only moments before, one of the prospective roommates asked if I was queer, and I didn't answer in the negative. I didn't say yes either. I said 'I don't know.' Which is really pretty true. I've dabbled with the idea of identifying as queer heterosexual, or some other, more open-minded descriptor for my sexuality, but nothing seems to stick. I had a good year or so when I identified as asexual, and that was going okay until I remembered that I liked girls.

I think I've been given way too much time in life to ponder my sexuality and way too little time to practice it. Maybe from now on if someone asks me how I identify I ought to say 'I don't know. Get me laid and I'll get back to you.'

I started an OK Cupid profile as a joke. I was originally going to cave in and venture into that shameful pit of hell known as Internet dating, but (Older readers might recall) I've been so, so hurt by the way that kind of shit has gone down in the past, that I couldn't bring myself to do it. Some random male gave my profile four out of five stars, which is nice of him. I checked out his profile to see if I thought we'd be a good match. He's fairly androgynous looking so I didn't catch on for a while. He mentioned that he's into furries. And I had a thought: in the spectrum of 'I'm trying not to be prejudiced toward you but holy hell is that weird and pathetic and stupid.' Furries rank slightly above Juggalos.

Finally, Matts and I watched Cloverfeild the other night, and then we watched the special features, and the actress from that movie is really, really sarcastic in a way that's delightful to watch on TV but would probably get really bothersome, perhaps even upsetting, if you spent much time with her in real life. I get told I'm too sarcastic pretty regularly, so we'd either be perfect for each-other or a complete and utter nightmare.

That's a nice picture of her. Did you know that she also played Janis Ian in Mean Girls? That's crazy. I had no idea. How the fuck can she act alongside Lindsay Lohan and look like a young kid and then a couple of years later look like she's late 20's early 30's? Oh, Hollywood! You so crazy!

Also, Janis Ian, the songwriter, kicks ass, and it was radstyle that they named the character from Mean Girls after her.