Thursday, November 8, 2012

Let's do drugs!

I've changed a lot as a person since I started this blog, and I've been trying to be a better person when maintaining this blog. One way of doing that is to avoid getting gossipy (in related news: Beth Ditto is a woman who I like). This post will in all likelihood come dangerously close to that. I'm doing my best to keep it together.

Almost exactly a year ago, I started an OKCupid profile as a joke. I was trying to make a profile that was as unappealing as possible. I used a bunch of pictures of myself in my underwear, and I answered all the questions in the most awful way possible. E.g. 'I am pro-life. My ideal match would be pro-choice.'

After a while on there, I made a real profile and sort of forgot about the fake one. I checked it for the first time in a long while and the experience was sort of surreal.

Imagine my surprise to find a bunch of messages from women who apparently didn't get that the profile was a joke and thought this crazy alter-ego I'd cooked up would be a catch. Seriously. What the fuck? Why would you ever want to hook up with someone who under 'What I'm Doing With My Life' puts 'I'm unemployed and I like to have sex with my hand.'

One of the women who messaged me (twice) mentioned in detail on her profile that she hated herself and she was looking for someone to fix her life. For the record, I wholly believe that if you're in a distraught place like that the last thing you need is to get romantically involved with someone. It's a bummer but dating is only going to make things harder for someone who's already in a bad place.

So that was weird, but then, even weirder, was a message I got from a user whom I'd previously been talking to on my real profile, who ostensibly didn't realize that the profile was fake, or that the pictures of a man in his underwear were of the same man who she'd been talking to previously.

Even before that, the whole thing was sort of weird. She told me about a show going on that I went to once, and I never quite ran into her there, but then it turns out I did see her, I just didn't recognize her. Apparently some guy grabbed her but or something and she kicked the shit out of him, and I awkwardly watched the whole thing and still didn't realize it was her.

So that's weird, but when she contacted the fake profile she wanted to know if I could hook her up with drugs.  I'm pretty sure she didn't mean soft stuff, because when somebody non-specifically says they want 'drugs' it seems to me that they're implying they'll do any drugs they can get their hand on. Also, I find it hard to believe she'd have a hard time scoring something like weed in San Diego. In this city, if you throw a rock you hit marijuana.

So anyway, I don't really want to get involved with someone who's into drugs. They might be a nice person and all, but drug addiction typically negatively affects not only the addict but everyone around her (See Johnny Cash covering Nine Inch Nails). So I'm going to chalk that up to dodging a bullet. She goes to shows in the area though, so it'll be really weird if I ever run into her.

So I took down both OKCupid profiles. I've had enough weird in my life for the time being.

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