Monday, November 30, 2009

Tiffany Hill

This is Tiffany Hill. She's a high schools student (She's 18. I'm not a monster) who recites poetry using ASL. She's kind of cute, ain't she?

Thursday, November 26, 2009

2 Cute Girls on the Sidewalk

I saw two cute girls on the sidewalk as I was driving today.

The first one had orange-ish streaked hair and a green sweater and was walking with a man who's probably her boyfriend.

The second had a smart looking leather jacket and a knit cap and was walking alone from the Dangerousway.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009


So since November 1st, I've been competing in the mother of all beard contests, Whiskerino. Over the past couple of weeks, the contest has been doing some theme days, and this was my submission for A Day At Work day.

Now, there's a simultaneous contest called Vaginarino, that's like Whiskerino, but for women (I'm still a little fuzzy on what they're supposed to be growing). I went to the contests website for the first time just now, lo and behold, there's a woman who liked my idea enough to copy it. Imitation is the highest form of making me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

That's the forth post of today. Am I in the mood for romance or what?

Kathy Ireland's voice in Alien From LA

I just finished watching the MST3K version of Alien From LA.


Kathy Ireland is not a terrific actor, and most people would probably be appalled by her nasal, mousy voice, but I find it kind of endearing. It reminds me of a sheltered, innocent princess who just wants everyone to be friends and gets really sad whenever there's any sort of conflict. I appreciate this, because I realize I have a similar side to my personality.

This is the most attractive woman in the universe.

This is the most attractive woman in the universe.

The embed video option isn't working. So watch the video by clicking on this sentence.


Let me start off by saying that I am of the opinion that whether one believes in God or not does not really factor into the meaningfulness of their life, and I think that people who make any concerned effort to argue one way or the other on the issue are missing the point.

To that end, I feel like the most intelligent thing this woman says in the video is her suggestion to hand out Bibles with an introduction by Richard Dawkins. After all, turnabout is fair play.

Furthermore, I doubt that the abridged Origin of a Species is going to make much of a difference in the percentage of theists in America. As I noted earlier, one's theism does not guarantee a meaningful life, and finding evolution to be a lie certainly won't in any direct way improve the quality of life for anyone.

Of course, this blog shouldn't discuss such controversial issues. All that really matters to this blog is that the video is of a very good looking woman with an accent that just turns me into butter. Too bad I care very little about what she has to say. She seems nice though.

Here's a fact that neither side of the evolution debate can dispute: Accents are like cruse control for generating romantic interest.

Sunday, November 22, 2009

The Women of Dangerousway

I was at the Dangerousway getting delicious foods and beverages, and I saw two cute girls.

One was kind of tough-girl looking. She had jet black hair in a ponytail and a gray hoodie that probably had a logo for a motorsports company on it, and she had some crazy earring thing going on. My guess is she drives a pickup truck and her boyfriend is in a crappy bro metal or bro punk band.

The other girl was talking to someone on her cellphone in a foreign language. She looked kind of like that woman who was in Sideways (2004) and is in Grey's Anatomy. You know who I'm talking about? She looked like her, except she wasn't rail thin like her. The woman in Grey's Anatomy and Sideways woman is quite slender.

Crissy Belle

For some reason I never learn my lesson. I just made a fairly in-depth blog post about how dating websites are the bane of my existence, and then I turn around and find an adorable gal on one. Someone who sounds like she marches to the beat of her own drum, and lives a life full of lovable peculiarities.

And of course I message her. And of course she doesn't message me back.

Really, you think I'd have learned my lesson by now.

Sympathy and condolences in the form of replies to this post graciously accepted.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Woman from 924 Gilman

On Nov. 8th, 2008, I went to see New Thrill Parade at Gilman. Brad was working the show, and apparently I'd mentioned to him that I'd seen New Thrill Parade a couple of times and they stayed at my house and they were cool people, because he called me and offered me a ride and everything. I think he wasn't looking forward to the show (he was volunteering at Gilman at the time, so he had to go) and that's why he invited me. Anyway, I'd been listening to this cheesy podcast about how to meet girls and I thought this would be a chance for me to go out and use the new skills I'd learned to my advantage when approached by any woman at Gilman that night. It wound up being a kind of weird night for me. They were understaffed and I was asked to work the door, which was cool, but for some reason I felt totally anti-social all night, and I spent most of the show in the back corner, reading.

That whole paragraph was totally unnecessary, but the reason I bring up that night, is that the woman who was kind of in charge of the show, (Well, Robert was actually in charge of the show, so I don't know why she was telling everyone what to do, but she was) was this cute girl with green hair and a boyfriend. The other attractive women at the show was this norm who looked kind of like Bridget Fonda and the girls from bands. But the green haired woman (I think her name was Jen.) I found on the other night when I was feeling lonely and desperate. I'm thinking about contacting her, because she's cute and she sounds pretty cool, plus, she's not a norm, and observant readers might remember that I've come to the conclusion I'm not going to be able to make a relationship work with a norm. It'd probably just be better to approach her in the real world though. Dating websites are a nice way to waste time now and then, but as a way to meet people, I feel about dating websites the same way Ebert feels about Xtro (1982) which he describes as 'a completely depressing, nihilistic...exercise in sadness.' I've never interacted with a person on without it ultimately making me feel more lonely than before.

At any rate, after Charlotte stood me up, I've been feeling like I'm never going to find someone. It's a horrible feeling, but I know from experience that hooking up with the first woman who pays attention to you is NOT a way to get oneself out of this manner of funk. I'm not sure what the answer is. Now I'm feeling way more depressed than when I started this post. Oy vey! I hope y'all are feeling okay now that you've read this whole thing. I hope this hasn't been a depressing, nihilistic exercise in sadness for you. Thanks for reading! Go think about unicorns or whatever makes you happy.

Monday, November 16, 2009


This is one of my favorite music videos ever. I saw it for the first time the other day. I really like the idea of a female comic book character type person who plays baseball and fights robots and will at times team up with grim reapers to fight robots but otherwise has it in for grim reapers. Also, Vulverine is an awesome name for a female super-hero. Really, if this was a comic book and not a music video pretending to be a comic book, it would be a totally awesome comic book.

Plus, she's really cute.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

North Caronlina, Charlotte part 2, A Girl at Safeway.

The other day, I made a post on my other blog about how I wanted to have kids and be a post-punk parent like some of the people I know, because it seems really fun. An 18-year-old girl from North Carolina offered to role play the scenario that I described. The thing is, my tongue was firmly planted in my cheek. She sounds like she's actually kind of serious. Also, I have no idea who she is. Also, I'm wondering if this means she has kids. Also, I'm wondering if she wants to have my kids. Also, she sounds nice, and I might think about it if there weren't about a thousand reasons why it's a really bad idea.

A few months ago, I hung out with a woman named Charlotte at a couple of shows. Yesterday, one of my very most favorite musicians and a personal hero, James Kochalka was at an art show opening of his in the city. I was going to go with my brother, but he bailed at the last minute. I hate going all the way to San Francisco to an event where I don't know anyone. I called a couple of friends to see if they wanted to go, and they both had other plans. Then I said to myself, 'Why not?' and called Charlotte. She said she didn't have plans and would be down, except the Kochalka show happened kind of early, and she was having a band practice and she wasn't sure if she could make it. She told me she'd call me after practice and we'd figure it out.

She didn't call. I'm not too beat up about it, because I still got to meet James Kochalka,and seriously, that's such a huge thing for me.

I also saw a cute girl at Safeway the other day when I was getting soymilk. Can I just be xenophobic for a moment and say I have no idea how to connect with foreign women who I like? I mean, it's not like I introduce myself to a lot of domestic girls or anything, but there's an overbearing stereotype that foreign exchange students and the like are either laid back about sexuality, or are enthusiastic and responsive toward fun, funny guys. This stereotype is surely an oversimplification at best, and I'm sure any attempt to apply it to my own life would end in tears. Yet I think a lot of foreign exchange students are looking to meet domestic people, just to get the full experience. Still, foreign or domestic, I have no reason to introduce myself to a cute girl at Safeway. Finding an excuse to talk to cute girls is definitely the trickiest part of the whole ordeal. In conclusion: Same shit, different country of origin.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Documented Longing Part 2

Sheesh! I was so distraught by the picture that I made a blog post about it but I forgot to link to it. Boom.

Of course, this whole blog could be considered documented longing. Couldn't it?

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Documented Longing

I've been looking through some pictures of the NorCal Noisefest. Lo and behold, there's a somewhat unflattering picture of me giving Bjorn a somewhat creepy stare. I've heard that keeping one's hands in one's pockets gives off the vibe that you're uncomfortable. Whatever. I'm not that sketchy in real life, I just find girls in awesome bands intimidating.

Hey, eat shit, okay!

What a Day. What a Day.

I saw a cute girl on campus today with double lip rings and an all around punker look. Kind of a bad time to see her, because I'm dressed pretty conventional today, in one of those silly pre-faded polo shirts (Ironically, I found the shirt in a dumpster, so in reality it's more punk than most of my other shirts).

I also saw two cute girls yesterday at the laundry mat. One was dressed in sweats and had her hair back and had glasses on, as if she'd been hanging around the house all day and didn't much care what she looked like. I'm a big fan of the just rolled out of bed look.

The other cute girl was dressed to kill. She had on a very smart looking leather jacked and plaid sweater, and knee high boots which were too elegant to be blatantly sexual. The dressed to the nines look is also one that I'm a fan of, sometimes, though usually not as much as the just rolled out of bed look.

About a week ago, I was sitting behind the cute motorcycle girl and her stomach started grumbling. It was cute in a visceral sort of way. I kind of like that women are human and have normal human bodily functions. After all, it's not like this blog is called Mannequins That Chuck Likes.

I was having kind of a poop-o day today, and as I was walking to my car after class, I spied this nerdy guy out of the corner of my eye. He often wears a trench coat and a flat cap and he's been in a couple of my classes and he brought up Godwin's law once when someone used it in an ethical debate. All said and done, I like him. Anyway, I noticed he was talking to a girl, and my first thought was 'Woah! Way to go, geek!' Then I looked over at what girl he was talking to. It was fucking Irene. I walked right past them, and I felt weird about saying 'Hi.' to Irene. I'm sure she didn't notice me. I'm hoping that if I walk back on a similar path to my car, I'll run into her again, as for today, I was tired and feeling lousy and I just wanted to go home and take a nap. Still, Mazel Tov to the nerd!

Monday, November 9, 2009

Irene From a Therepy Group

So back in the day, I was seeing a woman named Lauren. Now Lauren felt that I ought to learn to be more assertive, and being the dutiful boyfriend that I was, I decided to take a course that was being offered by the CSU East Bay Counseling and Psychological Services center that promised to deal with, among other things, assertiveness. As fate would have it, Lauren dumped me the night before the group was going to go over assertiveness. I went anyway, because it was better than crying into my pillow, and because, while originally I made it sound otherwise, Lauren wasn't my sole inspiration for joining the group (I'm bitter you see.).

At any rate, in the group, I met a woman named Irene. Irene seemed to still be finding herself after a huge breakup of her own, and neither of us were ready to date during the time while the group sessions were going on, However, both having come out of similar dark place, we had kind of a connection, and after the last meeting she gave me her phone number, telling me to call if I ever needed someone to talk to. I called her once or twice, because there were many points in the following months that I did in fact need someone to talk to, and I liked Irene.

Lauren and I broke up about six months ago. I got a call from Irene the other day asking how I was doing. I called her back yesterday afternoon, telling her I was doing fine and I was over Lauren and I was moving on with my life. She said she was glad to hear that. We chatted, and I asked her about her life. She said she was busy but otherwise doing well. We talked about relationships for a bit, and I asked her if she'd started dating again. She said that she was really not looking to start dating, not because she wasn't over her ex, but because she was enjoying being single and wanted to keep it that way. Bummer-o-rama.

I guess it's okay that this happened, because while she seems sort of interesting, I get the feeling that Irene, like Lauren, is just interesting enough for me to want to get involved, and then once the relationship starts to get serious, things begin falling apart. I'm really making a concerned effort to stay away from women who aren't weird enough to get me. Y'know, so that I hopefully don't get hurt so often.

Of course, if Irene called me right now and said she wanted to go out for coffee, 'I can't. You're normal.' would be the last thing I'd say.

Friday, November 6, 2009

Woman in Taget Commercial

I just saw a commercial for the Target chain of big box stores. She was flustered but happy in her pursuit of making her home and family look socially acceptable by the time it was to be presented to others at Thanksgiving. It was sort of a commercial for everything I hate, but the woman in it was so adorable in her being flustered, that I want her like a sperm whale wants giant squid. I tried to find the commercial online, and I was not able to.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Kyoko Enami

I was going to crop this image so it was just the picture of Kyoko Enami, but then I realized, cropping out a picture of a giant chameleon-like kaiju shooting a rainbow out of its spine would be against everything I stand for.

Kyoko Enami played the female lead in Gamera vs. Barugon, which I just finished watching. It was awesome, and she's super cute. I mean, holy crap. I really wish she wasn't 67 years old now (I just looked it up).

Here's another picture of Barugon, y'know, for good measure.


Sarah-Jane Potts and Jemima Rooper

I watched Kinky Boots (2005) yesterday, and both large parts played by cisgender women were played by very cute actresses.

This is Jemima Rooper. She played the woman who was wrong for the male lead.

This is Sarah-Jane Potts (on the left in the front). She played the woman who was right for the male lead.

I love the fashionable European look, with the cute accent and everything. Seriously. I love it. It's all I want for Christmas.