Sunday, November 4, 2012

Many Women on OKCupid are truly awful human beings.


I don't mean to single out women like this, but I hardly use OKCupid to meet men. Sometimes I look for men on OKCupid in the hopes of sparking a new friendship, but that's only happened 2 or 3 times. I can't really gauge the men on OKCupid from that. Oh wait, I do have this picture that a woman put on her profile that suggests that at least some men are rather crude and awful.
 So I'm not bullish on the way she talks about obese women. I mean, I get that we live in a society that is really cruel to obese women, and fat women deal with that in lots of ways, one of which is some of them become sort of desperate in the romantic field, but I feel like her message still represents fat women as second class romantic partners.

And you know what, lots and lots of men are awful. Why am I even reflecting on this? Ask any woman who hasn't lived the majority of her life in a cave, and you'll find examples of how lots of men are absolutely cruel.

 However, what I've found from OKCupid, is that there's really a lot of people who hold unmitigated, hate-filled opinions, and they come from every gender under the sun.

The area where this really becomes apparent is in the 'questions' section of the website. The questions in question are available to OKCupid users to discern how they feel about various issues in life, and most of them are fairly benign, like 'If someone says "I love you." on the first date is it sweet or scary?' Then there's a number of questions that deal with topics that reflect not just as a person in the dating world, but on the ethics of the individual. Here are some examples:
The life of one of your fellow citizens is more valuable than the lives of ten foreigners. (true/false)
 Do overweight people annoy you?
Do you have a problem with racist jokes?
Which best represents your opinion of same-sex relationships?
Do you find it disturbing that products are still tested on animals?
Is long hair on a guy inappropriate?
Is a straight person considered gay if they are friends with a gay person ?
Do you ever use the word "gay" as an insult or pejorative?
Someone you like is drunkenly flirting with you. You know that with a sober mind this person would never engage in casual sex, but now it seems that they're willing. What do you do?
People's answers to many of these are shockingly vile, but the last question really bothers me. I've seen two women who, from their profile seemed like okay, decent people, but then you get to their questions and you find out they're willing to have sex with someone who's messed up, knowing they wouldn't be into it sober. I feel like there might be women who don't see what the problem with this is, and I think it's part of the rape culture sentiment that 'A girl can't rape a guy.' If you'd eff a person in this situation, you're a rapist and a shitty person and I hate you and stay the fuck away from my junk you evil fuck.

 There's also some questions, that, while about an aspect of dating life, clearly are a reflection of the person's prejudices, like this little number:

Could you date someone who used anti-depressants?
There's a lot of people who have answered this with 'no,' which I find just horrid. I sort of don't understand the stigma. I mean, someone using anti-depressants is coping with depression, and if they're willing to shell out the cash for meds they're probably more adamant about staying on top of their mood. I've used anti-depressants in the past, and now I don't need to anymore, which I count amongst one of the most fortunate things that's happened to me. If I still needed them, I would do it and I'd be responsible about it. One person commented that they would look down on someone who's using anti-depressants for being too stupid to just smoke pot. I was going to comment on that, but maybe I don't even need to. I've experienced first hand how anti-depressants can work, and I've experienced first hand how trying to 'just deal with it' is a really, really bad decision.

In short, OKCupid is overrun with abominable humans and it makes me hope that the website is not an accurate pool of the general public opinion.

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