Sunday, March 6, 2011

I WILL MURDER EVERY HUMAN BEING ON THIS GODDAMMED EARTH AND LAUGH WHILE I DO IT!

SO I'VE BEEN DOING THIS PLAY AT SPAC AND I THINK THE PLAY IS PRETTY ARROGANT AND WANTON WHEN IT COMES TO ITS PORTRAYAL OF TRANS WOMEN SO AT FIRST I WAS SUPER APPREHENSIVE ABOUT DOING IT BUT THEN I DECIDED THAT I WOULD. IT'S BEEN KIND OF NICE, REALLY, TO GET OUT OF THE HOUSE AND BE PART OF A PROJECT WITH OTHER PEOPLE, BUT THE FACT THAT NONE OF THEM ARE PART OF 'THE DARK SIDE' IS STARTING TO GET TO ME. I'M SO SICK OF BEING TREATED LIKE THIS WEIRDO FOR BEING WHO I AM AND ACTING THE WAY I DO. EVERYONE'S LIKE 'CHUCK, WHY ARE YOU SO SHY?' AND THIS IS AN EXAMPLE OF WHY. NORMS DO NOTHING BUT MAKE ME FEEL SHITTY AND I HATE IT. I CERTAINLY HAVE MY SHARE OF PROBLEMS WITH HARDCORE KIDS, ANARCHISTS, PUNKS, CRUSTIES, NOISE GEEKS, TRAVELING KIDS, ETC. THAT ARE IN MY LIFE, BUT AT LEAST I'M ABLE TO SPEAK THE SAME LANGUAGE AS THEM. THIS IS SOMETHING I'VE COMPLAINED ABOUT A LOT. IT'S GETTING TO THE POINT THOUGH WHERE IT'S NOT JUST MILDLY IRRITATING, IT'S OUT-AND-OUT OFFENSIVE.

I ALREADY MENTIONED THAT ONE GIRL, AND SHE DOESN'T LIKE ME OR EVEN REALLY RESPECT ME IN A WAY THAT REALLY HURTS. I'VE BEEN SHUT OUT BY SO MANY PEOPLE BECAUSE I'M DIFFERENT, AND I MEAN, IN THE END, FUCK THEM. I DON'T NEED THEM. I JUST WISH SOMEONE COULD RECOGNIZE WHO I AM AND WHAT I'M TRYING TO DO WITH MY LIFE IN A WAY THAT WASN'T SO... SO CONDESCENDING.

THE PLAY OPENED THIS WEEKEND, AND SO ALL THESE COCKY JOCK GUYS HAVE BEEN SHOWING UP TO SEE THEIR GIRL IN THE PLAY. NOT EVEN JOCK SO MUCH. BUT YOU KNOW, THOSE OVER-CONFIDENT MEN WHO SEEM TO ALWAYS HAVE A GIRLFRIEND EVEN THOUGH THEY LACK ANY SUBSTANCE. FUCK THOSE MEN AND I FEEL SORRY FOR ANY WOMAN WHO GETS SUCKED UP INTO THEIR BULLSHIT.

ANYWAY, LAST NIGHT WE GOT OUT OF PLAY PRACTICE, AND SOME PEOPLE OPTED TO GO OUT TO CORINNA'S HOUSE TO KICK IT. I WANTED TO GO, BECAUSE I'VE BEEN SUPER DEPRESSED LATELY, AND I THOUGHT MAYBE SOME QUALITY TIME WITH SOME KIDS WOULD BRING ME OUT OF MY FUNK. BECAUSE OF SOME BULLSHIT, WE WOUND UP GOING TO MCDONALD'S INSTEAD. THERE, ONE OF THE FEMALE ACTORS IN THE PLAY WAS HAVING A MEAL WITH HER FAMILY. HER HUSBAND IS THIS MILITARY GUY WHO I LIKED AT FIRST, BUT I MADE SOME JOKE ABOUT HIS WIFE BEING SCANDALOUS BACKSTAGE, AND HE THREATENED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE. THEN HE SORT OF PLAYED IT OFF BUT NOT REALLY. I REALLY WISH I'D HAVE TAKEN UP HIS CHALLENGE. IF I WAS OUT OF LINE AND HE DIDN'T LIKE WHAT I WAS SAYING ABOUT HIS WOMAN, I RESPECT THAT, AND I'D HAVE GLADLY STOPPED IF HE ASKED NICELY, BUT INSTEAD, HE HAD TO SHOW OFF WHAT A TOUGH GUY HE WAS AND PUSH ME AROUND. FUCKING PRICK. SO THEN I GOT BULLIED INTO AN AWKWARD POSITION IN FRONT OF ALL THESE KIDS WHO I WAS IN THE PLAY WITH AND I HAD TO JUST HANG OUT THERE FEELING STUPID FOR LIKE ANOTHER HALF AN HOUR BECAUSE I HAD GOTTEN A RIDE WITH FUCKING HANNAH AND SHE WASN'T READY TO LEAVE YET. I THOUGHT ABOUT SEEING IF SHE'D LET ME STEAL A CHAIR FROM MCDONALD'S AND PUT IT IN HER CAR, BECAUSE WHEN I'M FEELING UPSET SOMETIMES SHOPLIFTING MAKES ME FEEL BETTER, BUT CORINNA WAS THERE AND SHE 'LOSS PREVENTED' A SHOPLIFTER ONCE AND BRAGGED ABOUT IT ON HER FACEBOOK, SO I PROBABLY COULDN'T HAVE GOTTEN AWAY WITH IT.

MAN, FUCK NORMS. FUCK THIS SHITHOLE TOWN AND FUCK EVERY OUNCE OF THE UNIVERSE, INTERNAL AND EXTERNAL, THAT'S BLOCKING ME FROM IMPROVING MYSELF AND THE WORLD AROUND ME. 666

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