The woman with a costume inspired by Roy Lichtenstein art.

 

I can't believe how totally, totally awesome this is. I don't know who this woman is, but she is a genius.

Thanks to Super Punch.

Hey fuck you, Bozo.

I've been playing this video game of Matts' and I commented earlier tonight that it's the only thing going right in my life at present. It's nice to have something going right in your life, even if it is virtual and ultimately meaningless.


I was thinking about how I'll probably have to cut my hair in order to find employment, and I don't think I'm willing to make that sacrifice. If I were to cut my hair, that would be compromising the motivating force in my life in order to get a job that I will in all likelihood really hate. Any job that would have me cut my hair will likely further punish my creative side in many other ways. If it had to be one or the other, I'd kill myself before cutting my hair for a job. I really would. It's not one or the other (hopefully), but thems the breaks. I'm almost 30 now, and I'm too old to be compromising the life I want to lead for mere sustenance. I'm a complete loser. There's nothing I've done with my life that couldn't be swept away from the collective potential of the universe in an hour or less, but I'm trying to change that. I'm trying to put forth a life that will provide something for my environment. Another choice that would restrict that possibility for me would be worse than death.

To keep things on point, here's a picture of a woman I found on the Internet that I think is cute. I don't know who she is.

I just remembered that I hate everythng.

I have no job. I have no home. I have a vehicle that stopped running for the umpteenth time yesterday. I've been staying at at Matts' house in Irvine for a while, and it's been like a week now and people are starting to get sick of me. I'm stinky and messy. I know this, and I'm into it. Other people don't like it so much. I'm sitting here watching this show It's Always Sunning In Philadelphia, and at first I thought it was kind of funny, but now I'm getting kind of sick of it. There's this one woman on the show, who at first I thought wasn't that cute, but she wears tight jeans and lo-tops a lot and she pulls it off really well. Other than that, I have no extra-platonic interest in her.

I feel like I need the sage wisdom of someone. For some stupid reason, I thought that if I stayed in Southern California, I'd be able to find a job and place to live that fit into my personality and life goals. So far the only thing I've accomplished since leaving my former position is getting my truck down here, which would be terrific if it worked. I've been trying to get caught up on 30 Rock, so I watched like 3 episodes the other day, and I envy how Tina Fey's character has a sort of mentor that she can go to for advice when her life becomes difficult. I could go to my father, but I'm not sure I'm able to agree with the advice he gives. He might tell me to move back in with him, which I'm not going to do. I started to watch Gladiator the other night, and I felt bad because I don't go to my father to capitalize on his wisdom like the people in that movie do.

I think there may be a belief that some people carry that the two things holding people back are fear and laziness. I don't agree with this view in a socio-political context, but certainly fear and laziness work to hold people back pretty regularly. I'm not really afraid of anything, except for heights and needles. I literally stood fifty feet away from a bear once and fiddled with my new cell phone for a full minute trying to figure out how to get the camera to work before realizing that, were the bear to decide to be mean, I was making the wrong decisions, and I walked away slowly. I'm not afraid of bears. I'm not foolhardy around them, but I'm not afraid of them. But I digress. I think everyone who knows me knows that I'm wicked lazy though. Is that my problem though? There's matters of my life that I haven't been lazy about, yet I don't feel I've been successful anyway. I feel like I need instruction with some things, and I get advice about these things from a lot of people, but none of it seems to be worth listening to. For example, about an hour ago Matts told me I ought to get a haircut if I want to get a job. I told him it depends on the job. He said no it didn't. I gave the example of coffee shops, because alt people work in coffee shops pretty regularly. He said getting a haircut would be especially important for coffee shops, because if you have long hair it could fall into people's coffee. While I see his point, I'm not sure if that would actually be the reason a coffee shop would decline employment to me based on hair. After all, women can be baristas and nobody gives a shit how long their hair is.

I guess the best thing to do at this point would be to try to get up early tomorrow and fix the truck. I needed to write though. It lets off some anxiety.

Will you still like me when you find out I have a weird blog?

I tried to explain this blog to some prospective roommates yesterday (Well, now it's the day before yesterday. You'd think a night-owl like myself would have started making note of the day changing at midnight.) and it was really pretty awkward, I mean, what, exactly is this blog about? Women. It's a blog about women who I like. Usually it's about women who I like in that way but sometimes it's about women who I like the way I like bell hooks or Wanda Sykes. Then sometimes it's about personal drama, and trying to come to terms with human sexuality as the frosting on the cake that is existential crisis.  I think from now on I'm going to tell people this blog is about an existential crisis. It's not a lie, and it sounds a lot better than 'women.'

Perhaps the conversation it was made even more awkward by the fact that only moments before, one of the prospective roommates asked if I was queer, and I didn't answer in the negative. I didn't say yes either. I said 'I don't know.' Which is really pretty true. I've dabbled with the idea of identifying as queer heterosexual, or some other, more open-minded descriptor for my sexuality, but nothing seems to stick. I had a good year or so when I identified as asexual, and that was going okay until I remembered that I liked girls.

I think I've been given way too much time in life to ponder my sexuality and way too little time to practice it. Maybe from now on if someone asks me how I identify I ought to say 'I don't know. Get me laid and I'll get back to you.'

I started an OK Cupid profile as a joke. I was originally going to cave in and venture into that shameful pit of hell known as Internet dating, but (Older readers might recall) I've been so, so hurt by the way that kind of shit has gone down in the past, that I couldn't bring myself to do it. Some random male gave my profile four out of five stars, which is nice of him. I checked out his profile to see if I thought we'd be a good match. He's fairly androgynous looking so I didn't catch on for a while. He mentioned that he's into furries. And I had a thought: in the spectrum of 'I'm trying not to be prejudiced toward you but holy hell is that weird and pathetic and stupid.' Furries rank slightly above Juggalos.

Finally, Matts and I watched Cloverfeild the other night, and then we watched the special features, and the actress from that movie is really, really sarcastic in a way that's delightful to watch on TV but would probably get really bothersome, perhaps even upsetting, if you spent much time with her in real life. I get told I'm too sarcastic pretty regularly, so we'd either be perfect for each-other or a complete and utter nightmare.

That's a nice picture of her. Did you know that she also played Janis Ian in Mean Girls? That's crazy. I had no idea. How the fuck can she act alongside Lindsay Lohan and look like a young kid and then a couple of years later look like she's late 20's early 30's? Oh, Hollywood! You so crazy!

Also, Janis Ian, the songwriter, kicks ass, and it was radstyle that they named the character from Mean Girls after her.

And I've been putting out fire, WITH GAS-O-LEEEEEEEEEEN!

Earlier tonight this friend who's been crashing here put on that movie Red, and the woman from Weeds is in it. Something about her makes me much more inclined to just be friends with her, even though she's smokin' hot. Anyway as I was viewing the film, I realized that lately I've been horny in the sense that I've been longing for the embrace of the other. The physical admiration of alterity that comes from the sexual experiance. That really sucks, because I'm no good at human sexuality, and I don't even want to have to try to meet someone. I certainly haven't met anyone I want to get involved with since I moved down here. I did meet one woman who at first seemed pretty awesome, but she's married, and she's a Christian, and as a rule, I never trust the Christians. I'm definately, definately not going to bother looking for someone. That's a horrible chore. I just wish the longing feeling wouldn't come about. I wish this world wasn't so set up to be more enjoyable when you're in love. Love is bullshit.

Kate Matelan

I'm not sure if I ever mentioned this, but I work for and live with a quadrapalegic dude. He goes to a therapy center called Project Walk. I was there the other day and I grabbed an issue of Life In Action, a magazine about spinal cord injuries, or rather a magazine for people who have spinal cord injuries.
The cover story was by a woman named Kate Matelan, who wrote a couple of stories for the issue. Her writing style is trim and professional, but at the same time has a rad sense of style. She's also pretty damn good looking. A quick Googling shows that she was crowned Miss Wheelchair USA. Don't act like you were aware that contest existed before reading that just now.