My enthusiasm for the blog is waining. Can you tell? I'm just in such a different frame of mind these days. I used to desperately, hopelessly, need a relationship in order to feel complete. I had the sudden realization that I'm totally complete without a significant other, and really, relationships, or the pursuit of relationships, has been the bane of my existence. These days, when I consider women 'in that way' it's from a very different perspective than before. I'm just sort of like 'She might be fun to hang out with or do it with' but I'm not concerned with getting any further than that, and really, I'd rather not get any further than that.
This weekend, I went up to Central Point, OR to volunteer at the Battle of the Bones, a barbecue festival. I volunteered to be part of the 'kidz zone,' a position that consisted of enforcing a no shoes policy in the bounce house and asking kids trivia questions for prizes. I enjoyed the trivia part more, because it allowed me to interact with the kids, instead of just sitting by a bounce house entrance (Which looks sort of like a vagina) and watching kids play. During my volunteer time at BOB, I met two women whom I was attracted to.
The first was a cool mom. Her son (who was about four) was wearing a shirt that said 'I Am A Rock Star' so I asked him what his favorite band was. He said The Killers, and I said 'Cool! They covered a song by my favorite band, Joy Division!' and his mom was really into the whole conversation, talking about music he liked and all. I enjoyed spending time with her a lot. At one point in my life I might have been depressed that I didn't get intimately involved with her. Now I'm totally happy that I got to spend time with an awesome person, and while I'm sure she looked pretty stunning in her underwear, just hanging out with her was nice too.
The second woman I met was working at the booth for some science museum in Ashland, OR. She was a really scrawny nerdy looking woman, and the first day of BOB, I told her that the science booth was really awesome (which it was) and she gave me a pitch about the museum and that was that. I was sort of depressed, really, because I felt like I hadn't come across as a cool dude to her. Then I remembered something one of my head doctors once told me, that emotions are rather fleeting, and as long as you don't try to over analyze them and worry about them, they typically go away after a short while. That made me feel a little better. Also, I put the whole thing in perspective. I've talked about my ex-girlfriend, Lauren, now and then. Lauren was a really nerdy woman, and not in a way that made her interesting. There's two types of nerds— those who embrace being different, and those who embrace being normal. Lauren definitely tried as hard as she could to be as normal as she could be. She didn't see any value in being unique, and that's why she didn't understand why I did the things I did. The girl at the science booth was probably in the same boat, and that meant she would be fun to hang out with sometimes, and she probably looked really stunning in her underwear, but if she didn't realize how cool I was there's nothing lost in that.
I went to talk to her the next day, because there weren't any kids who wanted to use the bounce house, and it couldn't hurt anything. Her name started with 'Is' but I can't remember the rest. It was a common name. It wasn't like 'Island' or something weird, but I can't for the life of me remember what it was. Anyway, she lived in Ashland and worked at the science museum and I asked her if I could call her sometimes and she said she was 'attached' which I thought was a sort of funny way of putting it. It made me wonder if she was saying she was 'attached' because she just found my uniqueness totally unattractive. It might have been the moustache. I have a big ol' Lemmy moustache right now, and as cool as it looks, it turns off pretty much any woman who aspires to be totally normal. I did shave for the sake of a woman once (Lauren) and believe me, I wish I hadn't. I've dated woman before and I've grown facial hair before, and if I can't have both, sorry women, I'm keeping the Lemmy.