Laura Dern has one SMOKIN' HOT body.

I just finished watching Citizen Ruth, which is a movie where Laura Dern plays a druggie who becomes the center of the abortion debate after a judge offers to reduce her child endangerment charges if she aborts her pregnancy.



There are several scenes in which she's wearing clothing that leaves little to the imagination, and there is this one scene where she's lying in bed on top of the sheets, and she rolls up into a ball and pulls the covers over her without getting out of bed. I was impressed with her flexibility, and wondered how a woman that was mostly into drugs was capable of such calisthenics. But more than either of those two things, I was taken with how shockingly hot she is. I mean seriously, it was like being hit by an amorous bus.



Not to toot my own horn, but I think I generally keep this blog pretty free from my more physical inclinations. Not today. I totally want Laura Dern and I'm not afraid to admit it.



Also, this wasn't the first time I saw Citizen Ruth, sorta. When I was younger, my father was watching the movie, and I came into the living room, with a bowl of cereal, to watch it with him. The first scene of the movie was really graphically sexual, and I don't think my father would have wanted me watching that, nor do I think I would have been comfortable watching that kind of scene with my father at that age (or ever), so I tried to act like I came into the living room for something else. I put the bowl of cereal on a kleenex box while I pretended to look through a phone book or something, and because kleenex boxes aren't very sturdy, the bowl toppled to the floor and spilled milk and cereal everywhere. So I had to clean up a giant mess and the graphic sexuality on the tv screen just got more awkward.

And a final note, I just read on wikipedia that Laura Dern is married to Ben Harper. Talk about a hot woman who's married to someone way less cool than I am. I mean seriously, has she listened to his music? I bet you she hasn't. Maybe she's deaf and everyone lies to her about his music being awesome. 'Boy Laura, I wish you could hear this song. It's called "Burn one down." It sure is great!'

Everyone in Sleater-Kinney on principle, and Carrie Brownstein because she's the cutest thing ever.

If I ever get to the point where I'm not flat ass broke, I plan on tucking away $300 in case Sleater-Kinney or Le Tigre ever get back together. Sleater-Kinney is seriously such a good band. No lie. And I know they're way to cool to be available to a man like myself. I read an interview with Carrie Brownstein where she talked about what books she was reading and shit. If I even got cool enough to be interviewed, I certainly wouldn't have read anything weighty.

'Um, I've been reading The Lord of The Rings for about a year now. I keep it in my bathroom and every time I go I get through another couple of paragraphs. It's really boring.'

i don't even care anymore

soundtrack: atheist - Jupiter

get that shit here

So my father left for the weekend so he could help my brother with his car, and since my mother moved out and my parents are separated that makes me alone for the day. My mother is coming tomorrow to give me a hand with chores. Oh, I guess tomorrow is today, since it's already 7:00 AM.

I had a really productive day today (yesterday). I got a bunch of my shit organized and I cleaned the house a little. I was able to hold out on drinking until 5 AM today. Up until then, I kept telling myself that I had a lot of shit to do, and I didn't want to drink because I wanted to accomplish a bunch of shit.

Finally, at 5 AM, I decided I was lonely and depressed enough to drink myself to sleep wathing He-Man. I checked out He-Man season 1 vol. 2 which is cool coz I can watch 16 hours of he-man.


I mentioned earlier that my shrink told me I need to start accepting all the women who don't like me in my life as incompatible chemistry, which has been sort of a nice thing, but that's also worse in some ways. I mean, given my history with women, chalking everything up to incompatible chemistry instead of failure on my part (like I have been doing my whole life)... It only suggests that I'm this entirely separate universe, that has somehow accidentally spawned in the nebula of everyone else's, and every day, I try desperately to get in, like a stranger knocking on your door, but universe I try to enter doesn't play by my rules, and no matter how hard I try to find compatibility, my up will always be everyone else's down. My left will always be everyone else's right.


There's a song, I think it's by LL Cool J, that has a line 'the only thing left to do was climax.' I sort of feel like that's what's going on with my life. Like, I've gone as far as I can trying to be happy and loved, now I don't have any significant others and I don't have any friends, so the only thing left to do is either get my life together (which I've been trying to do for almost a year) or blow my fucking head off and get it over with.

Sorry to be such a downer. What do you think of Atheist? I think they are not bad at all.

Sue Gardner

She keeps on begging me for cash every time I visit Wikipedia, and I finally broke down and decided that she was cute tonight. I didn't give her any money though.

I Love You, You're Perfect, Now Change

In order to be be in a relationship with a woman, is it useful or worthwhile to commit to her vision for oneself? Is giving oneself in to change for the sake of a relationship something that people in healthy relationships do? The majority of people would certainly say, 'no' and then do it anyway.

I watched the Hoarders episode with Peggy in it the other day, and Matts was there. Matts has much more conventional taste in women, and I watching it with him sort of forced me to reflect on why I was so turned on by a thirty-something married with children hoarder who seemed really bossy and cried a lot (she had a good reason to cry...). What could I hope to enjoy in any sort of interaction with someone like that? I mean, this isn't just a cougar thing. The whole context of everything Patty is conflicts with everything I am and want out of life. Then the other night, I realized she's gotten to the point in her life where she's pretty much given up on being cool, but it seems like deep down inside, she still wants it.

And so if I got with Patty (Did I mention she's married? I'm such a pig.) I would get to be her gateway into the world of cool. That would be an ego boost. Essentially though, that's me wanting to change her, right? I mean, if she wants to be cool but has given up on that, it would behoove her not to depend on someone else for her cool. It's always a really bad idea to rely on someone else for living life the way you want to. That's the sort of thing you need to rely on yourself for. But I digress...

Is my problem that I want to change the women I like? Ought I to be willing to accept the fact that I need to change myself in order to be with someone else? It sounds awful. I love myself. I would never want to change a thing about myself. Except for, you know, exterior circumstances, like I wish I had a more steady job (I AM getting called in to sub pretty regularly these days) etc.

I don't know. I still am absolutely powerless to explain my lacking romantic resume.

Lee Purcell

I watched A Woman's Guide to Firearms last night. It was wicked awesome, and the star of it was named Lee Purcell. She's very pretty, and they continually talked about her acting career, but I didn't recognize her from anything. I did recognize her costar as the guy from The Way Of The Gun who wanted to die alone.

She looks a lot like Ellie Kemper. I bet they're related somehow.

You can watch A Woman's Guide To Firearms here. Score!

Cute girl rejected by a cat.

I don't know what the cat's problem is. If I was a cat, I'd wicked hella eat out of her hand. I mean, I wouldn't even really need to be a cat for her to have me eating out of her hand, but if I was a cat the eating would be less figurative.

If you have a nice girlfriend like that...

...then do you really need Netflix instant play?