In order to be be in a relationship with a woman, is it useful or worthwhile to commit to her vision for oneself? Is giving oneself in to change for the sake of a relationship something that people in healthy relationships do? The majority of people would certainly say, 'no' and then do it anyway.
I watched the Hoarders episode with Peggy in it the other day, and Matts was there. Matts has much more conventional taste in women, and I watching it with him sort of forced me to reflect on why I was so turned on by a thirty-something married with children hoarder who seemed really bossy and cried a lot (she had a good reason to cry...). What could I hope to enjoy in any sort of interaction with someone like that? I mean, this isn't just a cougar thing. The whole context of everything Patty is conflicts with everything I am and want out of life. Then the other night, I realized she's gotten to the point in her life where she's pretty much given up on being cool, but it seems like deep down inside, she still wants it.
And so if I got with Patty (Did I mention she's married? I'm such a pig.) I would get to be her gateway into the world of cool. That would be an ego boost. Essentially though, that's me wanting to change her, right? I mean, if she wants to be cool but has given up on that, it would behoove her not to depend on someone else for her cool. It's always a really bad idea to rely on someone else for living life the way you want to. That's the sort of thing you need to rely on yourself for. But I digress...
Is my problem that I want to change the women I like? Ought I to be willing to accept the fact that I need to change myself in order to be with someone else? It sounds awful. I love myself. I would never want to change a thing about myself. Except for, you know, exterior circumstances, like I wish I had a more steady job (I AM getting called in to sub pretty regularly these days) etc.
I don't know. I still am absolutely powerless to explain my lacking romantic resume.