Holly Palance

I haven't been updating either this blog or Ve as much as I'd like to have. I beat Postal 2 a few days ago, and I mowed about half the lawn. Other than that, I've eaten cereal and pooped it out. Oh, I've also been vehemently trying to get a certain job, but to no avial yet. I couldn't sleep at all last night, so here I am. I figured as long as I was awake I might as well get something done.

I've been watching a lot of horror movies as of late. I watched The Omen, The Exorcist, The Unnamable, and Dagon. That seems like a lot to me at least. I guess in the grander scheme of things, it's not that many. Anyway, I thought Holly Palance, who portrays the nanny on The Omen, was a handsome woman.

I decided I'm not going to be forgiving with horror movies that have crappy endings anymore. I find ominous non-endings on horror movies really distasteful. I get that it's supposed to make the movie more scary, but if the protagonist doesn't conquer the antagonist in a story, then it's an unfinished story in my opinion. It's so annoying when movies do this, and I think it's getting worse. If the protagonist defeats the antagonist only to discover that another peril or something of that nature, I think that's a great ending to a horror movie, but to just be like 'Oh, the bad guy beat the good guy.' is bullshit. Any asshole can think up an ending like that. Why don't you grow some fucking guts and come up with an ending to your story. It pisses me off. It really does. And I think it's getting worse. Ever since The Blair Witch Project every movie thinks it's a grand idea to roll the credits as soon as it's done being scary. It worked for The Blair Witch Project because it was trying to emulate found footage, as opposed to Quarantine, The Strangers, House of The Devil, etc. where it's like they got tired of writing the script and decided to just stop.

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I'm having this sort of rush of difficult emotions right now, and I thought maybe writing about it would help matters.

I can't believe I'm still unemployed and living with my parents. When I came here, I estimated that I was going to be here for about a month. I've been here closer to two years now. How big of a fuck up am I? I mean, Jesus.


I can't even get a job writing, and writing is the only thing I'm good at. Literally. Try to think of something else that I'm good at. Okay, I'm also good at dancing, and telling jokes, but those are even less marketable than writing. My life sucks and is idiotic.

I had a thought earlier 'I haven't been listening to Tom Waits enough lately. Maybe I should go off my antidepressants.' Of course, that would be a bad idea. I have been skipping a day here and there though, because not being able to enjoy human sexual activity is really frustrating sometimes (I'm sure that's more than you wanted to know).

I've been meaning to write another post responding to the one I wrote earlier about accusations of sexism. I haven't done it yet, I guess because I'm feeling sort of apathetic. Maybe I'll do that right now. This post is stupid. It's not even about women. I'm ending it right now.

I've been drinking. Can you tell?

Rats

The pornography industry has a bad habit of chewing people up and spitting them out. I'm not entirely sure why this is. I'm not sure why people can't get together as an industry and take care of each-other and be friendly, and there's certainly people and organizations out there who do porn the nice way, but from what I know, the deeper one delves into the world of porn, the more depressing it gets.

I met this girl from New Jersey  once who said she kind of knew Joanna Angel, who I believe is the brains behind Burning Angel, an alternative porn company from the east coast. I'd always kind of liked Burning Angel, because the attitude they take toward pornography is pretty  lax, and they make me laugh (with them, not at them).  According to the girl from Jersey, and I have no reason not to believe her, Burning Angel engages in shady business deals with it's actors. She mentioned that they offer people cocaine for sex and stuff.

So that was all well and good, and I went along with my life, the Burning Angel mythos leaving me a little more discouraged, but no worse for wear. Then earlier today, I saw this picture on Cracked.com (A website that I spend way too much time on, one of many, because I spend too much time on the Internet in general):

I clicked it to learn more about this attractive looking woman, and it turned out that woman is  Joanna Angel, so that was sort of a shock. I guess I'd forgotten what she looks like or something.

For all I know, the girl from New Jersey had no idea what she was talking about, and maybe the adult film industry is a lovely place to work. Regardless, clicking that and finding out it was her made me somehow feel dirty, like there's this worldwide phenomena of exploiting everything that's authentic and nice about human sexuality (I'm not just talking about porn.) and clicking on the link made me as guilty as anyone. This goes into Yesterday's depressing rant from yours truly. It's like we all as a people could have made something wonderful and instead we ruined everything. Maybe I'm just going sorta crazy. Tomorrow's Friday, so perhaps I should take the opportunity to get out and rejuvenate my faith in humankind.

Edit: It's also worth noting that I think the Cracked.com video that Angel is in is actually less funny than the porn that I've seen of her.

Sarah Jessica Parker

Right now, I'm on this crappy computer at an office I know of where I can go in and use the computer at night. My Internet is down at the house, and I'm a little on the totally pissed off side. I planned to write a lot, but I'm going to save it for when my internet is back up.

In the last couple of days, I watched this episode of South Park, and I read this Cracked.com article. Coincidentally, they both make the claim that Sarah Jessica Parker is a terrifically ugly woman. That's fucking absurd. Nobody's ever going to go up to her and say 'Excuse me, are you Eric Idle?' She's got sort of a different, sort of interesting look, and she looks different than your average playboy bunny, but I still think she's pretty cute.

Perhaps the animosity toward her looks is a childish extention of animosity toward her participation in Sex And The City. That's a pretty noble reason to think someone is unattractive, however, Parker's contribution to S&TC never bothered me as much as the other actors on the show. The other women would typically dump the men for shallow, callous reasons, while Carrie would typically try to assertively, empathatically find a way to work through any issues she and her partner had, at which point her partner would always throw a fit and storm out the door ('WHAT DO YOU MEAN I'M A PREMATURE EJACULATOR! FUCK YOU CARRIE!' *SLAM*). Sex And The City makes me want to go headfirst into the world of dating about as much as I want to shave a rabid racoon covered in agent orange. It suggests that to enter the world of dating and perform competantly you have to be devoid of any empathy or ethics whatsoever. I'm not saying that's a false suggestion, but as it stands, dating only serves to make miserable people more miserable.

Did you know that Sarah Jessica Parker is married to Ferris Bueller? The woman who spearheaded a show that portrayed dating in the most ugly light possible, and she's paired with a man who should personally appologise to everyone who likes Godzilla. Yuck.

Well, now I'm depressed. Thanks for your time!

I am the misogynist for a new generation.

I just got up like fifteen minutes ago. I took a couple of melatonin last night and I was wiped out all morning, which kind of sucks, because the whole point of taking the melatonin was so that I would sleep at night and not in the day when I could be doing productive things. I bring this up because there's been some discouraging drama in my life lately, and I've been putting off writing about it, because I knew writing about it would be a draining experience. For whatever reason, I am tired of this shit accumulating and I'm ready to just throw down (some words onto the Internet).

I hate Facebook a lot. I think it's stifled social interaction for a generation, and it's secretly a tool for the CIA. I started a profile there in 2004 when it seemed like it might be a cool thing similar to Friendster, and of course, now I can't get rid of my profile, because they won't let you delete it.

So, even though I use Disgracebook all the friggin' time, I don't have any personal information or photographs up on the 'profile' page. It's been this way for several months.

About a week ago, I came across the above picture somewhere (probably 4chan) and I decided to make it my facebook picture. There were two reasons for this.

1. I wanted to see what kind of attention a picture like this would get, specifically from men who I don't know. I wanted to experience firsthand what it's like to have strangers on the Internet breathing down your neck with romantic/sexual intent.
2. I think it's funny because it's a picture of a teenage girl where users were expecting to see a picture of me.

The only sort of thing that happened from males when I posted the picture, was one tried to add me. I don't think he's a stranger either. I think it's one of the kids who was at Astrocamp when I worked there. However, the picture did attract a lot of attention, and I hadn't anticipated this at all, from friends of mine who found it misogynist.

First, a woman who we'll call Ms. X left me a snarky message on my wall and then deleted me as a friend.  I thought that was surprising, since I'd never given anyone any context for why I'd put the picture up, and I'm not quite sure what the deal was. At any rate, I figured if she was upset by the picture, then she couldn't possibly object if I changed my profile picture to one of her. Wrong again. She left me a couple of messages saying that if I didn't take it down she would file harassment charges on me. So I finally changed the picture to the original with a sad face, which was the best thing I could think of.

 

So that was all well and good, sort of. Ms. X is a really cool person, and it really sucks that we're not friends anymore, but at least I assumed that the issue was put to bed.

Which is when Ms. Y let me know that we weren't friends anymore because of the misogynist stuff I do on the Internet.  I tried to take the high road this time. After all, trying to be clever failed me so miserably with Ms. X, and Ms. Y's response was much more direct and much less out-of-left-field. Ms. Y has told me several times that she hates this blog and that she doesn't believe I respect women.

Still, I can't just take these sort of accusations with a grain of salt. I strive to be as feminist as possible, and I don't see this as trying to maintain a delicate balance between my rampant heterosexuality and my ethical concerns. I think the two coexist, and even compliment each other, very nicely. In fact, I'd argue that feminism and my sexuality aren't mutually exclusive phenomena in my life. That is, the two come together more than they conflict. Suffice to say, feminism is very important to me, both as someone who strives to be a good person, and as a man who is unable to live up to societal prescriptions for men on a regular basis.

So I thought about the matter for some time, and I furrowed my brow. I guess my problem with the whole thing, is that posting the picture on the website in order to discover the result was a creative endeavor on my part. I might even call it art, and that's the sort of thing that I need in my life. I don't think I could physically function without it. Even if I was in Unit 731 and my arms were rotting off from the inside while scientists took notes, any probing into the human experience that I did would be done with art. It's not even a conscious decision that I make. It's more like a natural phenomena. Many times I deal with gender and sexuality in these endeavors, because that's an area that I find constant need to explore. To that end, I can't just stop doing things that could potentially be interpreted as sexist any more than I could stop thinking pizza is delicious or stop hating the way my pinkies curve inward.

Does that mean I can't stop myself from making misogynist material? Fuck no. I just can't stifle my creativity, and I can't control how others interpret what I do. I'm not saying everything that I do is totally wicked feminist. I am saying that I always strive to be as feminist as possible, and if anyone wants to talk to me about a problem they have with my work (That is, if they actually come to me wanting to talk, and don't just start hurling accusations), I'm willing to do that. Look at the picture above. There's feminist and non-feminist ways of analyzing the art.

So I called Brad. He's one of my best friends in the whole world. He's much more liable to not give a fuck what others think about him than I am, but he also has taken much more women's studies classes than I have, and if there's an issue that I'm having in this department, he can usually provide some useful insight. I asked him what the deal was, and he said something like (I paraphrase) 'You're weird and you try to be funny, and when the Chico Women's Center is on the warpath you don't immediately back down, so in their simplistic idea of feminism you automatically become a target.'

I can't totally get behind that argument, because I'm not of the opinion that Ms. X, Ms. Y, and other women necessarily have a simplistic idea of feminism. In fact, on my old livejournal blog, I once made a post about how the Chico Women's Center's annual erotic art show was contrived and uninspired, and Ms. Y had my back when a bunch of people started getting really pissed off at me about what I said. If this same person doesn't have my back now, that's reason for concern.

So I finally changed my facebook picture to one that I imagine no feminist will have a problem with:

Finally, this morning, somebody wrote 'fuck you' on my facebook in response to this post. We'll call her Ms. Z. I called Brad again, since he knows Ms. Z a lot better than I do, and he said, 'Yeah, your shit is sexist and creepy. Like, you put up pictures of women and then write a bunch of things about them.' I was trying to figure out who the woman was, and I was using the skills I've learned through watching detective shows to see if I could figure anything out. I didn't realize that was creepy. Or sexist. Can anyone explain that one to me more?

Or don't. I'm having sort of a shitty day already, and a bunch of comments that say 'You're creepy and sexist because of this reason and this reason and this reason' aren't going to improve my mood.

I mean, I want to tackle these issues, but I'd rather do it later. Like I predicted, this was a draining post, and now I just want to go back to bed and/or smoke some weed.

Damn, why didn't I think to use tineye before?

For the uninitiated, Tineye is a website where you can put in a picture and see what other websites the picture is on.
Tineye is where I found a bloger who is down to search shit a little better than I am. This is what he came up with. I was hoping the article would offer some more insight that could tell me if I was right in any of my presumptions earlier or not. Oh well.

Okay, but who is this?

 

 Here's what we can presume from the pictures:

1. These pictures look professionally taken, though the backdrops both look improvised. The one with the guns, maybe not.

2. Judging from her tattoos, it's possible these pictures were taken for a tattoo magazine.

3. She's wearing a pompadour, thick-frame glasses, and a garish belt buckle. This leads me to think she's some sort of rockabilly psudeo-hipster.

5. She has a wedding ring on, so we can assume she's married.

6. She skull-wearing-a-bow-ties AAC, which could mean many different things.

7. Her stomach tattoo says 'a cruce salus' which is Latin for 'Salvation by or from the cross.' The image of the Virgin Mary along with this leads me to think she's probably Catholic. She could be Protestant, but Catholics are generally more enamored with the Virgin Mary than other sects.

8. Given her apparent gun-enthusiasm and Christianity, she's probably more conservative than your average punk rocker. This makes it more probable that she's deep into rockabilly which is a far more politically conservative subculture than most others. Rockabillys also are typically down with tattoo culture in a big way.

9. She's too cool to smile, so she does this same half-assed smirk in each picture.

10. There's a website on the first shirt, but I can't tell what it is.

Okay. I've done my Sherlock Holmes-ing. Does anyone else have anything?

Scheppenwertz

I had a weird dream this afternoon. If I do anything with any drugs, including caffeine, I always have weird dreams as a result. I've been sucking down caffeine all the time lately and I also had an O'doul's. I couldn't find any real beer in the pantry, and my mother always buys O'doul's.

Anyway, I had this dream that I was at some sort of university or something, and there was this girl who was very obviously wanting to get with me, and somehow or rather I was informed that she was a master of generating simultaneous orgasms between two partners. In the dream, I looked up simultaneous orgasms up on Wikipedia, and the technical term, according to Wikipedia in the dream, was Scheppenwertz Syndrome. So I'm going to start using that. I like the way it sounds. It sounds so totally unattractive, and yet I'm sure orgasming at the same time as someone else is a pretty amazing phenomena.

No good reason to post.

Except that, y'know, I haven't in a while. Hey, check out the cutie pies.

  

It's going to have to suck for a little bit longer.

This blog sucks.

Who's this?