Merriam-Webster

Here's a hot woman who knows her grammar.

I love Nelly.

Nelly is my father's two-year-old Jack Russell Terrier. She is absolutely my favorite thing in the entire universe. My affection for her can not be understated.

Earlier this evening, I was feeling very glum. I've been utterly dissatisfied with my lack of social contact as of late. Also, I've been reflecting on my history of lacking romance and what it means for my romantic future is completely bleak ways. It's really got me down.

 I was having trouble deciding if I should get tore up. I have a frenemy who said I could call her whenever I'm having trouble in life and feel like drowning my sorrows, so I thought about at least calling her first, but then I realized that it was the Saturday before Halloween, and she herself was probably out drinking, and wouldn't provide insightful or endearing conversation, if she picked up at all.

So I just kind of sat in front of the computer, unsure of what to do, and Nelly the wonderful puppy jumped up on my lap, and rested her head on my arm, which sort of made me unable to use the keyboard. She was shivering, so I decided to go lay on the couch and let her crawl under the blanket with me. We watched Assault on Precinct 13 and she fell asleep. At one point she tried to have sex with my arm, but other than that, it was a nice little evening, and it gave me an opportunity to not wallow in my depression.

Edit: I ought to give credit where credit is due. The photo above was taken by an awesome woman named Rachel Hadishar and I'm probably spelling her last name wrong.

Long Knives Drawn

I brought my record player into the computer room because I was going to start recording my vinyl onto my computer (backup, y'know). Anyway, I couldn't figure out how to do it so I started cleaning the room instead. Long Knives Drawn was the first vinyl record I bought after I got a record player in college (I had a turntable before that, but it broke). I bought it without even hearing it, just because I wanted more records. It's a record that's seen me at my worst. Shortly after I got it, I had my first 'I'm creeping you out and I don't understand why!' experience with a woman who I was convinced, CONVINCED was my soul-mate. Long Knives Drawn was the record that taught me how to weep. It's not even an especially sad record, but it was sad enough to be perfect.

I just put out four days of work as a substitute teacher at Discovery High School- a continuation school in Yreka, CA. The work was often awesome and often stressful, but no matter what, it left me, every night, feeling lonely. Just a moment ago, I was on crisis mode. I'm doing okay now. My breakdowns can be fleeting sometimes. Still, now that I'm one (admittedly small) step toward having my life together, it makes me wish I had an awesome girlfriend. Shit sucks.

Emily Perkins and a lady at the DMV

Emily Perkins had a bit part in the last episode of Dead Like Me (not the movie), as a girl in a witch had who smokes and gets killed. I didn't recognize her, but I've certainly thought she was cute before. She was the more level-headed and careful sister in the Ginger Snaps movies. I couldn't find a picture of her where she didn't look either 12-years-old or part werewolf. So just trust me that she's cute.

Also I went to the DMV today and the woman who worked there was really nice and friendly. It made the chore of going to the DMV so much more awesome. It really made my day, and that's good, because this has been kind of a poopy day.

Ellie Kemper

Man, I didn't have a crush on her at first, but I keep watching The Office, and her personality on the show is so, so adorable. It's like little baby kittens.

Hairy Legs

I skimmed over this article about hairy legs. It made me reflect on how it would be pretty awesome to have a girlfriend who had hairy legs. Leg to leg contact would be warmer than in a shaven legs relationship.

Attractive Women on Hoarders

Hoarders is this show that somehow masquerades as highbrow while managing to shamelessly exploit people with severe problems. It's trash television at its finest. If I enjoyed it in spite of it's being horrid, I'd be the first to admit it, but honestly, I just have been watching it because it's on Netflix instant and it's something to do. A lot of people are really into the show. I don't understand the attraction. I mean, yeah, hoarding is a weird phenomena that kind of went unnoticed until the show came out, but once you've got the just of how hoarders live, the show just sort of does the same thing for every episode. And I watch this crap television that I'm not even that into, when I could be reading a book or curing cancer or something.

This blog is about women.

There are not very many attractive women on hoarders. There was a couple of daughters of hoarders who were pretty cute. And there was the following:


This is Doctor Renee Reinardy. She offers consultation to hoarders who are in a crisis situation. This isn't a very good picture, but she's got the greatest dimples.


This is a woman named Patty (I don't think it gave her last name) who had accumulated so much stuff that her kids got taken from her by child services. There was like rat poop and stuff in her house and she wasn't very capable when it came time to throw stuff away. Also, her husband looked like the phantom of the opera crossed with Moe from the three stooges. Still, she's just damn good looking, and she presents herself well too. Also, she seems nice. Um... Yeah.

I'm tempted to make a crude joke referring to the truck behind Patty that says 'Got junk' but I think that's the sort of thing that could come off as facetious and jovial when said in a conversation, and on a blog would just seem unsettling and impolite.

People are so weirded out by the women I think are cute. Maybe that's why I put it all out there as some sort of sick spectacle just like the television does with hoarders. WWCL: A modern day freak show

Getting up before noon blows ass and makes me depressed.

Ellen Muth

I'm almost done watching the second season of Dead Like Me, and Ellen Muth is a pretty woman who seems cool on the show. Is she cool in real life? I don't know. Moreover, I don't care. I've become much better at being callous and indifferent with women I like. I think. I think that's the way it's supposed to be.

Isabel Van Dyke

A few months ago, I was talking about a girl I met at a beer thing. She worked for an outfit called Science Works and was 'attached.' I saw her again this last weekend.

Saturday was my 26th birthday, and in true old fart fashion, I spent the day listening to Black Sabbath and working on my truck. It was awesome. My mother, perhaps anticipating my typical 'I'm so old and I've accomplished so little.' birthday behavior, suggested we go to a fundraiser at Science Works that included microbreweries and live bands. I thought it sounded like an okay deal, and I was hoping that I could report on the live bands for Ve. I told my parents that I'd once asked out a girl from there, and we joked a bit about running into her again.

When we got to Science Works, I had four tickets that were redeemable for beer or carnival games, provided one with tickets he/she could use to obtain prizes. I decided to drink beer*, because a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. Drinking beer and playing with hands-on science shit is pretty crucial. Also, I found a whole bunch of tickets that someone dropped on the ground, so I decided that this was Krishna's way of telling me I ought to get tore up. We only stayed long enough to see one of the bands, and they were a really awful middle-of-the-road reggae act. It wasn't worth it to me to research them any further.

Oh yeah, this blog is about women, isn't it? Sorry. I almost forgot. So I was about six tickets worth of drunked and I noticed, from the back, a scrawny framed woman wearing an elegant dress who had acne running down her back. When I describe her such, it might make her sound unattractive, but that definitely wasn't how I felt about her. I love scrawny framed women, and acne isn't really that huge of a turn off. I mean, it clears up eventually, and there's still a good looking woman under it. The whole makes your face scar up forever is totally overblown in my humble opinion.

So I see a cute zitty girl from behind, and she turns around and sure enough it's the girl from back in the day. Her name tag read 'Isabel' and she was very good looking. Somehow, I knew that I was a little too intoxicated to try and strike up a conversation with her again, and also, the event was sort of busy. She was staffing a game where you threw a ping pong ball into a cup. My mother played the game, I noticed, but I decided my goal would be to avoid her for the rest of the evening, and if I ever see her again, maybe things will be different. Or maybe not. She's probably still attached. So who gives a shit.

I did go ahead and pull out the creep card and look her up on the Science Works website. Here she is. You can go call her if you want. Don't prank call her just coz I said that. If you do then it will look like I'm partially responsible.

Sorry this story took so long and was rather anti-climactic.

*I decided that since it was my birthday it was okay for me to drink some beer. I guess I ought to feel sort of ashamed of that, and I guess I sort of do. Whatever.

Selected Ambient Works Volume II

So I've been reading a lot of pornography lately. I like the term 'reading' pornography, because I read an interview with Edward Gorey once where he refereed to the consumption of pornography as 'reading' it. Of course, there's not a lot of reading involved with pornography. It's more of looking at pictures and watching videos, but I digress.

I've been reading a lot of porn, and sometimes I can just sort of enjoy it as a sexual stimulant and then I'm done with it. Lately, I pornography has just sort of made me feel lonely. I'll be reading some, and I just want to say to the woman in the pornography, 'Hey, let's be friends. I mean, you have raunchy sex for a living, and I'm cool with that. I'm a pretty cool person. I'm fun to talk to about stuff.' And it makes me sad, because pornography is full of beautiful women who probably wouldn't want to be my friend. And that's a horrible feeling. I'm pretty handsome, and I'm interesting and creative and fun to be around and all that. I'm really rather emotionally unstable, but hey, nobody's perfect.

I just got done talking to the Jehovah's Witness lady. I told her I didn't believe in God and surprisingly, she kept her teleological explanation under ten minutes. I could have given her the old Epicurean paradox, but y'know, I have better things to do than uproot people's faith. I'm not saying I believe in belief, as Daniel C. Dennett puts it. I just really don't care one way or the other about what some old lady who knocks on my door believes, but again, I digress.

For a while, I actually thought about putting out a porn zine of me. It would be a big ego boost to know there's people out there who feel about me the same way I feel about (some of) the women in pornography that I read.

Actually, today's my birthday. I'm feeling sort of lonely and depressed, so I'm going to just try to keep focusing on wicked awesomeness. My plan was to work on the truck with my father and drink beer and listen to Black Sabbath all day, but he had to go to work. Still, my mother has the day off, so I get to party with her. Now that I've written that out, it sounds pretty lame, but whatever. It's working on a truck and drinking beer and listening to Black Sabbath, for Christ's sake. Yeah man. Fuck yeah.

Whatever. This post is way longer than I expected it to be. Time to celebrate being an old ass man. Yeah dude. Fuck yeah.