Selected Ambient Works Volume II

So I've been reading a lot of pornography lately. I like the term 'reading' pornography, because I read an interview with Edward Gorey once where he refereed to the consumption of pornography as 'reading' it. Of course, there's not a lot of reading involved with pornography. It's more of looking at pictures and watching videos, but I digress.

I've been reading a lot of porn, and sometimes I can just sort of enjoy it as a sexual stimulant and then I'm done with it. Lately, I pornography has just sort of made me feel lonely. I'll be reading some, and I just want to say to the woman in the pornography, 'Hey, let's be friends. I mean, you have raunchy sex for a living, and I'm cool with that. I'm a pretty cool person. I'm fun to talk to about stuff.' And it makes me sad, because pornography is full of beautiful women who probably wouldn't want to be my friend. And that's a horrible feeling. I'm pretty handsome, and I'm interesting and creative and fun to be around and all that. I'm really rather emotionally unstable, but hey, nobody's perfect.

I just got done talking to the Jehovah's Witness lady. I told her I didn't believe in God and surprisingly, she kept her teleological explanation under ten minutes. I could have given her the old Epicurean paradox, but y'know, I have better things to do than uproot people's faith. I'm not saying I believe in belief, as Daniel C. Dennett puts it. I just really don't care one way or the other about what some old lady who knocks on my door believes, but again, I digress.

For a while, I actually thought about putting out a porn zine of me. It would be a big ego boost to know there's people out there who feel about me the same way I feel about (some of) the women in pornography that I read.

Actually, today's my birthday. I'm feeling sort of lonely and depressed, so I'm going to just try to keep focusing on wicked awesomeness. My plan was to work on the truck with my father and drink beer and listen to Black Sabbath all day, but he had to go to work. Still, my mother has the day off, so I get to party with her. Now that I've written that out, it sounds pretty lame, but whatever. It's working on a truck and drinking beer and listening to Black Sabbath, for Christ's sake. Yeah man. Fuck yeah.

Whatever. This post is way longer than I expected it to be. Time to celebrate being an old ass man. Yeah dude. Fuck yeah.