Loretta Ross

So I started watching Anita Sarkeesian videos on youtube, and as kind of a 'know your enemy' type thing I watched a couple of videos that countered her points. For the most part, these videos had arguments that I didn't find sound and struck me as typical of the things we have been hearing from anti-feminists for a long time now. I don't wholeheartedly agree with what Anita Sarkeesian is doing myself, but the backlash against her is full of logic that I consider bad and sometimes seemed more interested in attacking Sarkeesian personally than coming up with a justified counter-argument.

So I watched a few videos like that, and I watched the same crap I usually watch on Youtube, which includes but is not limited to The Whitest Kids U Know (who can make jokes concerning gender that are understandably controversial), and speeches by Christopher Hitchens (who is a dead man that I agree with aproximately 100% of the time when he's not talking about women), and music by Frank Zappa (ditto) and it's pretty clear suddenly why every other video that youtube 'Recommended for you' has been about why feminism sucks and is bad because  it tells men not to rape women which must mean it thinks it's totally okay for women to rape men or some shit like that.

In case you hadn't guessed, I don't really want to watch some loser talking about that kind of garbage for hours on end, so what I've been doing is going through and watching various feminist speakers that I recall enjoying from my college days, in the hope that maybe youtube will get the point and stop trying to show misogyny down my throat.

And I recalled Loretta Ross, a woman whom I'd enjoyed a speech by back when I was like 19 or 20, though I hardly remember what it was about. I looked her up, and she is just right on. The speech I watched of hers tonight is a little out-of-context and longer than most youtube videos people have patience for (or at least I have patience for) but totally worth watching.

Unless

My shrink believes that if I start taking a fairly heavy dose of anti-depressants, get more exercise, get on a better sleep schedule, and keep up with counseling, that I'll be able to conquer depression at least until I have some sort of mortifying life experience. This is good news, because I am so blue right now that I can't stand it.

I tried to do the make more friends thing today. I messaged this girl on okcupid who messaged me back in the day because we both like Richard Brautigan, and I told her that I really just wanted a solid foundation of friendships and was she interested in that. Then I messaged Crissy Belle and told her more or less the same thing. Finally, I e-mailed some gal off craigslist who sounded cool. None of them got back to me. I can't even make any new friends. That's how totally fucked I am with women.

I do have one friend who I made recently, Rachel. Her husband, Ali, sent me a bunch of pictures that we took on our outing together, and I finally got to see them because I can download them on my parents' computer.



With Rachel's glasses on, my facial structure bears a striking resemblance to Jennifer, so she probably should have dated me, because rest assured that we would have had very good looking children together.

Also, that picture was taken at Los Dos Gallos.

Two movies chock full of attractive women.

I don't know if I already mentioned this, but my parents have a Netflix instant play box for their TV. At first, I thought it sounded like a waste of money, but in truth, it's really awesome. To that end, I've been watching a lot of movies, and two that I watched recently featured just tons of good looking women.



The first movie was Two Brothers & A Bride (2003), which stars Emily Mortimer, who I've had a thing for ever since she was in Scream 3 (2000). The movie is about two brothers who seek out a 'mail order bride' in Russia, and they wind up meeting many women who were real lookers.



The second movie is The Machine Girl (2008), the plot of which in no way necessitates the abundant amount of attractive women seen on the screen (unlike Two Brothers & A Bride), however, the movie is purposefully ridiculous and outlandish, and to that end the copious amounts of cute girls the film features adds to the film's camp quality.

I Rememberd What I Forgot & Cute Girl Outside Grocery Store

So last Sunday, October 25th, I went to my cousin's son's (I think that makes him my cousin once removed.) first birthday party. On the way there, I stopped at a Target to get a card. The woman who rang me up was very cute, but in a way that you know every boy within 100 feet of her has picked up on. She was the kind of girl who could get any boy she wants. I kind of can't get into girls like that. See, what I have to offer a woman is something very genuine, and I'm not willing to battle it out with every other person who likes girls in order to demonstrate that. I hate that whole scene. I mean, I think we should try to move past this sort of 'bucks ramming their antlers together to impress the does' philosophy of dating and relationships. I'm not a polyamorist either. Not that I have a problem with polyamory, but I really don't think I could enjoy a relationship like that. Modern romance fiction has tried to suggest a scenario where a woman is beautiful in her own way, and nobody sees why she is special, until a man shows up and realizes is able to see the real her. Sometimes I think this kind of setup to a romantic relationship is unlikely in the real world. If you notice a girl is special, chances are you're not the first, even if she's special in a peculiar, quirky way. Furthermore, I think a hope for this kind of romantic setup can cause men to prey vampirically on women with low self esteem, exploiting their poor self image to gain a relationship from them, and I don't mean to imply that these men are trying to do something wrong. I just think 'She has low self esteem and I need to be the one to save her' is setting oneself up for a horrid relationship.

I was walking to the grocery store a couple of hours ago and I saw a cute girl. She was really thin. Some guys don't like thin women. I had a friend tell me that he felt skinny women looked 'sickly.' I'm certainly not implying that I'd be more attracted to women in a world where anorexia was a rule. I think there's a lot of really cute women who are hardly rail thin, even obese. However, there are some really cute skinny minnys out there.

The Women of NorCal NoiseFest

I just got done spending the last three days at NorCal NoiseFest. I've wanted to go to it for a long time, and this was one of those weekends where I really needed to get away from everything in my life. I'd like to talk about how incredible the experience was, but that isn't the nature of this blog.

The first night, after the show was over, there was a party in this guy's office, and I mentioned to Andrew that we should go in case any cute girls were there. Andrew lamented 'The only cute girl who ever comes to NoiseFest is Bjorn.'

While the afterparty itself was certainly a cute girl free zone (I think there was one woman there, and she was seeing someone, and there was an age difference thing that was very pronounced), it became very apparent the next morning that Andrew's observation was about to be turned on its head. I lost count, but a rough estimate of somewhere between twelve and fifteen cute girls were present. A few were there to support their boyfriend's band, but at least three or four were actually doing noise projects themselves, and I know I'm not alone when I say that there are few qualities in a woman more attractive than being in an awesome band. Especially if they're in an awesome band because they like doing music. I've seen a few bands where someone in the band had a crush on a girl, and invited her to play bass in his band, hoping that if he made her part of a cool band she'd be into him. That's not as attractive.

On the third day, around eighteen thirty in the evening, I met Bjorn.



Bjron is the proprietor of a band called 'Kawaiietly Please.' Spelling 'quietly' this way makes me feel like pronouncing the word the way Nina Hagen might say it. The band consists of her creating tones and loops and stuff with effects pedals and the like (In case you're not familiar, this is a common noise setup.) with a drummer beat-blasting. At the show they did yesterday, Bjorn presented the audience with several boxes of cheaply made stuffed animals, which the audience were then allowed to fling around the room, or tear to pieces, or create any and all other mayhem with. Oh, and she made herself up like some kind of combo between Raggedy Ann and Rainbow Bright if they both had taken up a life of crime to fuel their cocaine habits. So it was a pretty fun and intense show.

There were many cute girls, but all my crushes very quickly (Kawiickly) went to Bjorn. She's adorable, and extreme, and the short conversation with her that I had before she was drunk made it seem like she was probably pretty cool. Still, a couple of red flags went off:
A: She's from LA, and I could go on for a while about how much I loathe LA.
B: Sometimes, I feel like people who perform with an over-the-top visual display, are actually covering up for the fact that deep down inside, they're really boring. This has been my big complaint about Marilyn Manson. I didn't get a chance to sit down and chat with Bjorn enough to make sure that she's not just another Marilyn Manson. That would stink if she was.

As long as I'm in the bay area, I guess I shouldn't worry about it.

Oh, and we were having breakfast on somebody's porch on Saturday, and a cute girl at an autobody shop across the street started setting off firecrackers. Reckless behavior is sort of attractive, I guess.

Anna Gaskell

I don't pay much attention to photography. However, I do notice the Gap advertisements that take place during The Office. That's how I know about Anna Gaskell, and what do I know about Anna Gaskell? She's cute and she either has large feet or wears shoes that are uncomfortable (and without socks?). That's all I need to know for this blog.

Cute Girl in an SUV

I was driving to the post office to turn in my Netflix, and in the next lane there was a cute girl. Judging from her bumper stickers, she's a psudeo-alternative Snot Topic shopper who is the weird one in her friend group, but all her friends are perfectly normal, and so's her boyfriend (I got all that from a generic Skull & Crossbones bumper sticker and a sticker for some band I hadn't heard of, I'm quick to judge like that). She was short and driving a tall car, so I could only see the top half of her head, but it was a cute top half. Also, she kind noticed when I tried to check her out, so I did that whole 'Hum-de-dum, I'm just looking in that general direction and it has nothing to do with you being there.' thing, so there's another reason why I couldn't tell exactly how cute she was beneath about the ridge of her nose.

Digression

I sent out a mass e-mail telling friends and family about my new blog earlier today, and I got an e-mail back from a friend who had this to say.

Men who constantly talk about "attractive" points about women sort of make me sick. I don't care about you wanting to see some woman's legs. You can take me off this mass mailing list now.

This kind of attitude toward the way men approach their sexuality is one of the things that I'm trying to tackle with this blog. I'm trying to show how a person can come across women, either in real life or in the media, and appreciate qualities that they have. It's simple; it's sincere, and it's unobtrusive. At least that's how I'm trying to portray it. Getting this kind of feedback makes me worry that I'm not explaining myself very well (and admittedly, I wasn't totally satisfied with my post on Franka Potente from the moment I published it). Still, I think boys liking girls needs to be de-villainized. I'm recording the times when I get attracted to someone. I'm not sitting on a park bench eyeing little girls with bad intent. I think it's important to recognize you can be into girls, even comment on their physical beauty, without being a pervert or a misogynist. Attraction to others in this sense happens to most people. The way I see it, the way I find myself attracted to women is, if not completely unique, at least done out of my own alterity. Some would make one think that this is a abominable way to function, and people should hate themselves for noticing that Potente has great legs. This blog is intended as my way of showing that not only is there no reason for anyone to hate theirself for this, but as a matter of fact, when you realize that finding someone attractive stems from a genuine, authentic, compassionate self, you can't help but love yourself for the way you feel.

I want to round this thought out with a poem, which just happens to be my favorite poem in the whole world, that I feel does a nice job of explaining what I'm trying to say here.

In the desert
I saw a creature, naked, bestial,
Who, squatting upon the ground,
Held his heart in his hands,
And ate of it.
I said: "Is it good, friend?"
"It is bitter - bitter," he answered;
"But I like it
Because it is bitter,
And because it is my heart."

-Stephen Crane, 1905

Charlotte vs. The Shankers

I went to a noise show in San Francisco this morning and there was probably 4 girls there. They were all pretty cute. The one who I thought was the cutest was handing out flyers for a show on October 3rd. She was talking about a show tonight at someplace called the Razorwire. I asked her about it, and she was talking about it and I asked her if I could look up where the Razorwire was and it would tell me. She said probably, but then she gave me her number so that I could just call her for directions. I got a cute girl's number today, which is pretty awesome.

The only thing is, my friends The Shankers are playing tonight at Gilman. I feel like I ought to see them, since they've always been super good friends of mine and all. On the other hand, I don't want to miss an opportunity to get to know a cool girl. On the other hand, for all I know she's seeing someone, or she's gay, or she's just not interested, or whatever, and then I'll be at a cool noise show, but all the cool noise in the world will still leave me feeling disappointed because I was hoping to get to know a cool girl in that way. I'm not sure what I should do.